Hate is a very strong word and for me is a really bad thing. Having hate deep in our hearts and keeping them bottled up is even worse.
How shall we deal with them though? How do we surpass such stage? This is a question that I have been wanting to be answered. For all my life.
I grew up with so much troubles. In my heart and my mind. Since I was a kid I knew what is being physically and sexually abused and I always shook it off. Which I came to realize at a later stage that it was wrong, in all different levels. At a young age, I came to learn how to handle this on my own. Believing that, this too, shall pass.
I never want to have hate in every fibre of my being. I always want to let go and let God. But it is hard. There will always be instances wherein I will wish that I could have fought for myself, or maybe have that someone to fight for me. I never had that. And to add on to it, I had someone to look after too as well. So being weak was never an option for me, or so I thought.
The thing with having hate in you especially if its all bottled up is there will come a time where in it will come back. Flashbacks. It’s like an unresolved issue, and it will haunt you and that hate will just suddenly come back all over again.
I have to repeat to myself over and over again that I have to move on.. I have to let go.. I pray every single time for the hate to go away for God to teach me and my heart to forgive and let it go. It’s easier said than done but when you live in a world that has given you amounts of tragedies that will make you hate the world and life itself, it is damn hard to fight that feeling back.
Looking on the bright side, I came out becoming a warrior of life itself. It was somehow easy for me to have problems like it was normal and I still manage to get myself out of it and then move forward.. It mold me to who I am today. And I should say that the past made me sure to myself that I am better than them.. and that I will be better than then. It is indeed a daily struggle. You need to have your mindset that you will be fine and you’ll get throught whatever life throws at you no matter what it is, no matter how hard it’ll knock you out.
Honestly.. it really is easy said than done.. but I do know in me that I will survive and I will be better at it as the day goes by..