Exhaustion. Insanity.

So what have I been up to? I have been in one of the craziest, most challenging and the most unstable moods in my entire life.

Do you ever wonder and wish that you were just like 14-15 where you barely care for anything. Wherein you could be selfish, and think about no one but yourself? Yeah, I never really had that moment in my life.

For those who will be reading, this ain’t entirely a happy post, so just giving you a heads up as I really don’t want to ruin your day or mood. It’s one of those days that I want to rant out.

I am now in a point in my life where in I want to be alone. I want to be away from reality for a while. It has been exhausting. Work, life, family.. everything has just been tiring. Sometimes, it all just boils down to breaking down, especially at night. I cry it all out because I am exhausted. Literally exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally.. and the only thing that’s keeping it all together is me still being strong spiritually. It has really been challenging, especially in the part where in you have to put on a brave face. It kills me when I know I have no choice but to be strong, because I have beautiful angels looking up to me and I gotta show them that Mommy is strong. But I am not, I am human, and I really don’t have supermommy powers.

There are times in life that it intends to disappoint you. It hands you struggles that sometimes is just too much to handle. It throws people in your life that are just to hard to understand, and I do not know how they do it, but certain scenarios happen and somehow you end up questioning yourself if there is anything wrong with you. But in reality, there really is none. It’s just that the other side tend not to understand your situation.

I am in deep thoughts. Questioning all the whys and how comes in this situation. Am I not understanding enough? Am I selfish? My head is going in circles and feels like someone is hammering it from the inside from thinking too much, and seriously I just want my mind to stop thinking and shut it down. How can I do that? If any of you have found any solution, please let me know.

I am just so down. I am in the point where I feel like I’ve had enough. 😦



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